Ben’s First Birthday In Heaven

This is from my journal entry I posted on Facebook from awhile ago. I thought I would share it here as well:

I have loved reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and have started journaling and writing like that in my Grief Journal. This is my Grief Journal at 2am on March 14, 2015. I learned that sometimes my best ideas or thoughts come after 2am (Nicole Sanchez, Shannon Hardy, Miki Gao). This is what God spoke to me:

Today just be still and rest in the fact that I am with you as you continue to grieve. My arms are wrapped tightly around you. When you are sad, angry, confused, or upset, let me be with you in that moment. Of course my ultimate goal is to bring you out of it but most importantly, I want to help you through and be right in the middle of all that you feel so that we can share the load together. Many people have this picture of when trouble hits that is when they call on me to “rescue them out” or to come and get them. What they don’t usually see is that I am always right there in the sticky mire or deep pit with them. So, let that sink into your whole being and into your spirit. When trouble hits instead ask where I am and how I am already working on your behalf. This journey you and I are on is a partnership. When you fall I am there, when you tired I want to give you rest, when you feel lonely I am right there, ect. Just because I am right there every step of the way does not shield you from all the pain, hurt, sadness you will feel. In fact, you need to feel those things in order to truly find healing. But remember that we can do it together if you let me.

Verses that God gave me:
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God..”
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Hello world!

I recently lost my husband to stage 4 colon cancer on August 13, 2014 at 29 years old. I wanted to start this blog to encourage and to share with others a little bit of our story and what I have learned and continue to learn. Being a widow and caring for my almost 3 year old son is quite a challenge at times. I am blessed to have a great community, church, counselor/mentor,  and freedom to be brutally honest with all my ups and downs with all that I feel with Jesus. Walking this with Jesus has become less of a chore or duty but more of a relationship and walking this together.

This picture was taken a few weeks before my husband died: August 2014
This picture was taken a few weeks before my husband died: August 2014