Pebbles or Jewels?

This is a story I wrote in college, I was 21 years old. Back then I wrote it as my process of dealing with being single. I never dated all through high school or college and I was feeling pretty down on myself. Flash forward about 8 years and I was astonished at how this story helped encourage me in my grieving process of losing my husband. I won’t say too much. But I will say that I love how the Father (God) is never in a rush or hurries us. He is so gentle and patient with us. That is what is captured in this story I wrote:

Which Will You Choose: Pebbles or Jewels?

The little girl clenches tightly to the ordinary grey pebbles in her hand. Her father puts his tender, loving hands on her tiny shoulder. He holds out a handful of sparkling, glittering, rainbow-like jewels. Each jewel is glowing so brightly the little girl must use both hands to shield her eyes.
“Let it go,” her father tells her.
“I can’t.”
“I want to give you something better.”
Hurt and wounded tears well up in the girl’s eyes. With her fist still clenching her ordinary grey pebbles, she melts to the ground. “Daddy, I want to trust you. But how can I be sure what you have to offer will last or satisfy? I thought the pebbles I found for myself were jewels but it turned out they weren’t. The more I looked at them the less beautiful they became.” Soft, tender tears begin to fall from her father’s eyes. Ever so gently does he kneel down and lift her head up to his tearful face. As her head is lifted up she begins to weep, uncontrollably.

He quickly embraces his vulnerable precious girl. Both father and daughter weep together as he carefully and slowly rocks her back and forth in his arms. Not long after he begins to quiet her with his love and sing adoringly over her and her broken heart. “Hush, my little one,” her father says as he kisses her tiny little head. “I know and feel your pain more than you know. I am here. Hush. Shh. Trust me. Let me help you heal from your pain,” he whispers in her ear.

The little girl’s crumpled hand slowly unfolds as one small pebble falls from her hand. Her father lifts her to her feet and they begin to walk. And as they walk hand in hand she soon notices in her other hand a bright, glowing jewel in the middle of her ordinary pebbles. How it outshines anything she’s ever beheld! “Don’t worry about the other pebbles,” whispers her father, “they will be replaced later. For now, trust and walk with me.”
-Aimee Gonzaga (Price)

Everyone Deserves A Pom Pom

I wrote this from Zeke’s future 5-year-old perspective. I gleaned off of what my dad already does with Zeke. I hope to publish this one day. I want to write books like this for kids and their families. It’s not on it’s final final draft but thought I would share what I have so far. Also, take note of how the grandpa loves his grandson. I also wrote this to demonstrate how God loves us. The Father I learned about growing up is so different from the one I’m learning about during this cancer journey. God the Father loves us like Pom Pom does and so much more. Enjoy!
I love my grandpa! I call him Pom Pom for short. When I was really really little, a long time ago, like 2 years old, I called him that because I didn’t know how to say Grandpa.
My grandpa and I do all sorts of things together. He likes to put me on his shoulders and make me as tall as the sky. He reads funny books to me and he is so silly when he reads.
You know how most grandmas like to garden? Well my Pom Pom likes to garden. He lets me pick the ripe tomatoes off the tree. Ripe means it’s ready to come off. Pom Pom taught me that.
Pom Pom also let’s me follow him with my own lawn mower as he cuts the grass. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

My dad mowing the lawn and my son wanting to copy him.
My dad mowing the lawn and my son wanting to copy him.

This week in class we are learning about families. My teacher asked the whole class to bring in pictures of their families to put on the bulletin board. I noticed I was the only kid who didn’t have a dad. My mommy told me that my dad got really sick when I was only one years old. He had cancer, the really bad kind that no one can fix. Mommy said he wanted to be with us but he was too sick to come back. Mommy says he lives in the sky with Jesus. She also says Jesus takes good care of dad and that Jesus loves us too.
I don’t remember my dad very much because he went to be with Jesus when I was 2. That was a long long long time ago. I’m five years old now.
My mommy shows me pictures of him and I can tell he loved me. He always had a big smile on his face when he held me when I was little. I can tell my mommy and daddy really loved each other too. Sometimes my mom reads cards that him and my mom wrote to each other. They always say nice things like, “I love you” or my dad would say my mom was beautiful.
I wish I could have known my daddy more. Everyone tells me how funny he was, or how kind he was, or how much he loved me. It makes mommy sad to talk about about him sometimes. If you get up really close you can see tears inside her eyes but they don’t come out. She is happy to tell me about him. She says I may not have a dad but I have Pom Pom who does stuff with me like my dad would have done if he were alive. My mom says my dad wanted to teach me how to play baseball.
Pom Pom takes me to the park and teaches me how to play baseball. He doesn’t mind that I can’t catch the ball or throw it very far. He says he is just happy to be with me and gives big hugs if I mess up.
I told my friend Jason about all the fun things my Pom Pom and I do together and my friend Jason said he wished he had a dad or a grandpa that did those kinds of things with him. Jason says his dad is always gone on business trips far away. And when he is home he talks on the phone and tells Jason not to bother him because he’s busy. I think that would make me sad to have a dad that doesn’t pay attention to me.
I told him maybe Pom Pom could take us both to the park to play baseball or do something fun. Jason was really excited when I said that and wants to ask his mom if that’s ok.

Some day I want to be a dad and I want to teach my son what a ripe tomato is, or how to mow the lawn, or how it’s ok to mess up when you play baseball. And I want to tell him what my Pom Pom always tells me. He tells me that, I don’t have to do anything to make him love me. Even if I disobey him or do something really really bad like tell a lie, he might be sad, but that won’t make him love me any less.

It makes me sad to think of kids like Jason who don’t have dad’s or grandpa’s who love them like Pom Pom loves me. I just hope they have someone who loves them no matter what, because everyone deserves to be loved like that.